Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

            The game of guilt, an endless cycle of disappointment, a futile effort of continuous verbal posturing to undermine the other party and a game that invades every thought from its commencement to its finish. In this ouroboros – the classic of a dragon chasing its tail - every subsequent round of verbal exchange brings about a more heated argument with wilder accusations, personal attacks and emotive responses to comments of the other party.

            Many years ago, a couple by the name of Joe and Priscilla were victims of this game. Priscilla being the perfectionist, strongly believed that one should “sharpen their axe” while resting, so as to be more effective when working. Conversely, Joe is an idyllic person whose hobby of breeding fishes is the focal point of his breaks. As a teenager, I was fascinated and envious of the carefree life of fishes and often spent my weekends helping Joe with the maintenance of his fish tank. Yet, this was to be the point of conflict.

            “You failed your Geography final examinations! If you don’t seek to outdo yourself, how will you ever catch up with the diligent students and have a future? And you Joe! Don’t you care for Titus? Why waste his time with your fishes?” roared Priscilla one day when she found us sitting by the fish tank. Incensed by her sharp words, Joe responded in kind by calling Priscilla a selfish person who only imposes her will on others. What was supposed to be a December holiday degenerated into a shouting match colored with outrageous insinuations. It was a miracle that they managed to sleep together that night.

            Yes, Joe and Priscilla are my parents, although they did not seem that way for that week. Instead, my parents were mired in little skirmishes in the day, and a silent war at night. My dad refused to send my mum to and from her office, while my mum refused to make any dinner for my dad. In a blink of an eye, my loving home was transformed into a cold war zone. At the tender age of 15, I found this reality difficult to accept.

            My sister and I finally decided to intervene. With the fractions of our pocket money saved in the past months, we splurged on my dad’s favorite dishes and a bouquet of roses. After hours of practice the previous day, my sister successfully forged my dad’s signature on the card at the florist and wrote “I love you” before sending the bouquet to my mother’s office. Although the plan was relatively simple (and costly for our age), the execution was seamless. It did not matter that they shortly discovered the conspirators. Greeting these gestures with tears of joy and a smile, the tension between them apparently dissipated; their love re-ignited. As for the issue of our homework, my parents gave time off to my sister and I to enjoy the festivities before finally starting our revision after Christmas.

            Even though the conflict is past history, it remained clearly etched in my memory, as I have never seen my loving parents raged at each other. To my relief, my parents never fought at this magnitude again and exercised greater patience and discernment in their communication. Still, I cannot help but wonder how the situation would have reconciled without any intervention. If verbal posturing causes a situation to spiral negatively, why won’t people simply compromise?